Questionable Intelligence
by HeHatesYou
Summary: This is what Eclipse intrinsically,fundamentally, and riotously is. Brace yourselves.
1. Chapter 2

**[A/N: The intro is not something we wrote. It's from Wikipedia. It's just so you will understand the plot. Oh and if you are a diehard fan with no sense of humor, leave this page! We don't want to offend you. Well…kind of. Have fun reading!**

The story opens with the revelation that Seattle is being plagued by a string of unsolved murders, which Edward suspects is caused by a young vampire that is unable to control it's thirst. As Edward and Bella apply to colleges, Bella explains to Edward her desire to see her werewolf friend, Jacob Black, again. Although Edward fears for her safey, Bella insists that neither Jacob nor his werewolf pack would ever harm her, and she beigns visiting him occasionally.

Meanwhile, Alice has a vision that Victoria, a vampire who is hunting Bella for revenge of James, has returned to Forks. A few days later, Edwar proposes to Bella and, despite having an averison to marriage, she accepts.

Bella and the Cullens realize that the murders in Seattle are being committed by an "army" of newborn vampires, controlled by Victoria. The Cullens then join forces with the werewolf pack to combat this threat. As everyone else prepares for battle, Edward, Bella, and Jacob, camp up in the mountains, hidden during the battle, where they are later joined by Seth Clearwater, a young member of the werewolf pack, to wait out of the fight.

In the morning, Jacob becomes upset when he overhears Edward and Bella discussing their engagement and threatens to join the fight and get himself killed. To stop him, Bella kisses Jacob and realizes that she also loves him. During the battle, Victoria tracks Edward's scent to where Bella is hidden in the woods, and Edward is forced to fight. After Victoria and her army are successfully destroyed, Bella explains to Jacob that while she loves him, her love for Edward is greater. After recieving a wedding invitation from Edward, Jacob runs away in his wolf form to excape his pain, angry at Bella's decision to become a vampire.

**Bella P.O.V.**

Seattle is being plagued by a string of unsolved murders. Charlie, because he is SO HORRIBLY OBLIVIOUS, thinks it's a serial killer. I know the truth. I've been talking to Edward a lot, in long, PASSIONATE conversations, full of big words that no one has ever heard of, and if they have...they don't know what it means, and he and Carlisle and Emmet and Jasper and Alice and Rosalie and Esme are thoroughly convinced that it is a young vampire that is unable to control its thirst. Edward. He's so...perfect. I'm lying right now on my bed thinking of his copper eyes. They are the color of giraffes and so cold and PASSIONATE. I read some of Wuthering Heights for the 10845746537468468743th time, and wish it wasn't raining so that when Edward comes over later we could lay on the grass and watch him apply glitter and sparkles and stuff, to enunciate his sparkling in the sunlight. He does that. Sparkles. It's so pulchritudinous...Edward is the only one who believes I didn't look that up in a thesaurus. Because I didn't! Seriously! I use big words!

Suddenly I hear a little knockknockknock on my window and drop everything on my way to let my little vampire love in through the window. Once again once again once again, I am overcome with emotion upon seeing him. LOVE, because he is beautiful. PASSION, because he is so controlling and...passionate. And then FRUSTRATION, because he has just gotten back from leaving me for a long time because he thought it was best for me. I stand there staring at him for twenty minutes, trying to decide on one feeling, and then I walk over and sit on his lap. He has taken a seat in my rocking chair, because he is fatherly. Not in a creepy way, you know. In a passionate way.

"Bella," He says. I watch his perfect marble-y mouth. "I have more news about the Seattle vampire."

"Really?" I let him touch my face because he thinks it's interesting. It feels nice because his cold hands are like rock.

"Yes." I start crying, and he touches a finger to my tears and eats them. He makes a thoughtful face and I roll around giggling unenthusiastically. "Go stand over there." Edward demands, and I get up and go sit at my computer chair. I understand, I do. He is overcome with the desire to kiss me when I sit too close, and if he kisses me then it's like killing me. So I understand. He needs to keep himself under control. But it's so hard not to go sit on his lap and kiss him! He is so beautiful. My mouth opens and closes and from somewhere far away, Alice, my mother, and James make little "mahh mahh mahh" sounds. In my room, Edward tells me about the Seattle vampire.

"...well. It's killed three young people, and maybe another. It is-"

"Don't call it "IT" Edward! Vampires are people too!" I cry out. It hurts me, to see him so disappointed in himself.

"But it is a monster. And so am I. I'm a monster, Bella, and you shouldn't associate with me I'm a monster. I can kill you with one dance step. With one playful punch! With one overly dramatic squirrel leap... I mean. I mean. As if you could out run me! As if you could...out ROLL me-"

"But I love you."

"And I love you." He runs speedily over to me and kisses me! Asodjnfgbhfbjfnhdbgd I get excited or something? I don't really understand I don't know. He pulls away and looks disgusted. "Jeez." he cries and runs off to collect my mail. "Bella!" he calls from the door. I comb my hair and change my clothes and make sure Charlie is in the front room and knows Edward is here, and let him in. "College applications!" Edward cheers, parading in. I sulk. I don't want to go to college. I want to run off and live in a rainforest with the vampires.

**[A/N: Yes.]**


	2. Chapter 3

**[A/N: Because of the depressing LACK of comments we received after a total of about 15 minutes, we decided the second chapter would maybe convince someone to comment! Bella's beggin ya!]**

"Edward, I want to go to Forks Community College."

"No."

"Edward, I want to go to the University of Washington."

"No."

"Um…Edward, I want to go to that random place in Seattle that..."

"No, Bella. It's too dangerous. Seattle is known to have many stairs and random bumps on the sidewalk. You could trip and die, you clumsy, fragile, human. You're going Ivy League. You're going...Dartmouth!" He dramatically rips open an envelope that he had hidden behind his back and holds it out to me with a flourish. I take it. It's heavy. I think of a rock. That reminds me of Edward. I caress the letter, but be careful not to get to intimate because it will become tempted to bite me. Then I open it.

There's a Dartmouth acceptance in there.

"Edward, I'm shocked." I say, emotionlessly.

"Then WHY don't you look it?" He snaps.

I blink my big brown eyes quickly. There are like the eyes of a deer. I'm so plain and unbeautiful.

"Now, ask me how this is possible." Edward says, gripping my face in his cold, cold, granite hands.

"How is this possible, Edward?" I ask, still neurotically blinking my eyes.

"That's enough blinking, Lamb." I stop. Then, he says smugly, "I sent in an application for you. I want us to go to Dartmouth together."

"But Edward...what about the sun..."

"Not a problem! God! Why is it always 'sun this' and 'sun that'? It's not like I blow up in the sun, or wither away to ashes and dust! I just sparkle! Lots of people sparkle at Dartmouth. I won't stand out or nothing."

"You're so perfect, Edward." I say. "Can I go to La Push? Please? I miss Jacob so much it hurts and I cry all night long."

He glowers. It's gladdening.

"Bella! Time's up! Edward, go home!" Charlie calls in from the other room. My eyebrows go down a little, which signifies my slight annoyance.

"We'll talk about this later, my little tub of heroine." Edward says, touching his nose to my forehead.

"I love you." I say, touching his hair.

"You are my life now." He replies, before zooming out the door, like a dove. If doves could run at super high speeds.

"Bella! Make me some spaghetti!" Charlie calls from the other room. "Then go make some friends that aren't so beautiful."

I oblige. To the spaghetti.

I love Edward so much that sometimes I wonder why he chose me. I don't know. But I can't wait until I am a vampire and we can sparkle together and I will be almost as beautiful and intoxicating as him.

I mess up the spaghetti because I'm so busy thinking about Edward. So me and Charlie have to have a big block of hard noodles. Charlie doesn't notice because he's too busy adding bullets to his rifle.

"Dad, that's a little off putting." I blah. "I hate that thing of yours."

"Pah, this isn't for me! It's for you! With all these killings going on, I don't want you to be hurt. So carry it around all the time and shoot anything that isn't human."

"Um...ok." I lie. "I'm going to go visit Jacob."

Charlie lights up a whole heap. He loves Jacob. It's sort of questionable. "Bella, thats great! Go visit him! And try to not let Edward tag along. I don't like the way he is."

"Dad, I'm almost 18. I can do whatever I want. I don't care about your feelings."

"What?"

"Sure thing dad. This is a friends only visit."

I take my gun and go outside. The sun is so bright it makes the dewdrops on the ground sparkle. I think of Edward. I get in my truck and put in the key. The engine roars to life. I think of Edward.

I think of Edward a lot. What can I say? He's so attractive.

I stop thinking about Edward for .257 seconds to think of Jacob. I like Jacob. He could be a potential boyfriend, if Edward wasn't around.

"Bad Bella," I say flatly, "You mustn't think that kind of quintessence. "Edward is your life now."

The very thought makes me smile. Almost. My eyebrows really just go up a little. I'm so happy.

**[A/N: Bye friends…]**


End file.
